Carrying Grief
Grieving at the pace grief actually takes.
Grief does not arrive on a schedule and it does not leave on one. Weeks later, people expect you to be further along than you are. You are still in the kitchen holding something that belonged to that person, and the day stops. And you may be wondering whether feeling this wrecked means your faith is thin.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:4
Jesus said this on a mountain, near the start of a long teaching to the crowds who followed him (Matthew 5:1-2). He opened with a list of people he called blessed, and the second group is not the strong or the composed but those who mourn. He does not tell them to stop, and he does not explain the loss. He calls them blessed while they are still crying.
The comfort he promises has no date on it, and that silence about timing is a kindness. Grief is not evidence of thin faith, because Jesus put mourners inside the blessing rather than outside it. Comfort will come, but not by a certain week, and it does not cancel the loss. Being comforted is something done to you, and it usually arrives slowly, often through other people.
Today, say the name out loud, to God or to someone who also knew that person. Name one specific thing you miss, not the loss in general but the detail: a laugh, the Sunday phone call.
Jesus calls mourners blessed. Grief is not a failure of faith.
Grief has no schedule, and there is no correct pace for it. If it reaches the point where you cannot eat, sleep, or get through ordinary days, telling a doctor or a counselor is a good step, and it does not mean you are grieving wrongly.
Matthew 5:4